Tirades in Transmission
by Little Sister's Keepress
Summary: Anakin’s seething. It appears that Fanfiction dot net staff members have wronged one of his loved ones. He addresses them through this hologram. Of course, this has unforeseen consequences.
1. Transmission From Padawan Skywalker

**Disclaimer: **George Lucas is the creator of _Star Wars_. Not I. I am not the owner or maintainer of Fanfiction(dot)net.

**Warning 1: **Thou shall not steal. Plagiarism is a dastardly deed. Thank you.

**Warning 2: **No beta reader. Apologies for everything wrong in this piece. Please forgive any uncharacteristic actions and emotions. Technological references may not be entirely accurate. I have seen all six episodes, but I remain mostly ignorant of the Extended Universe and how some of the characters are portrayed in the novels. [I hold no ill will to any of the Fanfiction(dot)net personnel. This is meant to be a light-hearted fic. None of the site's crew is being targeted or stereotyped. Any behavior that bears resemblance to the staff/moderators is coincidental. In fact, no non-fictional individuals are directly featured.]

**Timeline: **Two years before _Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones _

**Section: **1/2

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**Tirades in Transmission**

By Jan J. (P.J.P.), Little Sister's Keepress

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**Chapter One – Transmission From Padawan Skywalker**

**_LIVE HOLOGRAM TRANSMISSION_**

_To: Fanfiction(dot)net staff members, Los Angeles base, California, United States of America, Earth_

_From: Jedi Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Temple, Coruscant_

_Subject: I Ha—I Command You_

I detest you. All of you. You're animals. If Master weren't in the other room, I would . . .I would strike you down. I would obliterate you the same way a Sarlacc slowly devours wandering prey so that they live in agony.

Oh, Force. It seems that Master has sensed my fury. I hear footsteps echoing in the hallway. He's probably going to lecture me on the "merits of meditation for sustaining a state of serenity." Why does he always worry about me? I'm not a child.

Don't think for a moment that I am finished with you. I'll be back, and, when I do, you better have an answer for your grievous actions.

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Hmm . . .Master's techniques have calmed me slightly. However, I am still discontent with your obvious disregard for someone who is dear to me. How could you do this to her? How could you treat her as if she doesn't exist? She was—no, _is_—everything to me!

Let me clearly explain what she has done for me. Now that I look back, I took it all for granted. When I was cold, she was my haven from the biting wind. She was the first person to truly love me. She protected me and mended any bruises that I got. She's . . .She's my guardian angel. I miss her _so_ much! I wish that she were here with me right now. She would be right here next to me, and I would finally hear her say, "Ani."

I mean, I'm grown up now, but I think I shall always like to hear her voice whispering, "My Ani." Whenever she called me that, I had a sense of belonging. She also has the best hugs. Master sometimes unconsciously addresses me as "my young one" or "my young Padawan learner," but it isn't the same. I don't know. He tries, and I love him, but he just isn't _her_. I feel like I'm in a divorce. I spent part of the time with her, and I spend the rest with him.

I'm through with explaining. Now what poor excuses do you have for belittling this woman who is one of the most vital figures in my life? Master will chastise me for acting so rashly if he is notified of this hologram, but I do not feel very merciful or forgiving today. I see that you are looking beyond baffled. What do you mean that you have no idea what I am talking about? I _am_ speaking to the Fanfiction(dot)net staff responsible for the _Star Wars _section, am I not? All right. So I am indeed. Well, listen carefully because I refuse to repeat myself.

While doing a search on the modules in the Jedi Archives, one of the sources listed was an entry from Fanfiction(dot)net. I had never heard of this site before. Immediately, I found myself on a page with the title _Star Wars_. I don't know what this _Star Wars_ is, but I couldn't help but gaze at a character list. To my shock, the first recognizable name that I encountered was "Anakin S."—myself! It couldn't be anyone but myself, right? Unless, by the Force's will, there is another genetically similar Anakin S. who _I _am not aware of. Scrolling down the list, the next recognizable name was C-3PO. I hope he's all right. Never mind. The reason I bring him up is that he reminds me of my childhood on Tatooine and the time I was with her.

Gradually, I came to the end of the list and looked up from the screen in confusion. I re-read the list again and scrutinized the names following that of my Master. How could she not be there! You . . .You blurrgs! It's as if she's dead! But she's not. She's alive. I can feel her. By Force, even Qui-Gon and Maul are included, and they're dead! My mother is not dead. It's as if you killed her! No one will put his or her filthy hands on Shmi Skywalker because I will seriously kill anyone who does. All of you have made a grave mistake by neglecting Mom. I do not take this kindly. Fix this error now, or you _will_ embrace the end of my lightsaber. I don't care if Master somehow restrains me with a Force pull. I will oppose it and deliver justice.

There's another matter that I must discuss. As a result of the absence of the label "Shmi S." for this _Star Wars _section, I was unable to properly select the primary "character" headings for this message. Thus, the heading carries "Anakin S. and Obi-Wan K." instead of the rightful "Shmi S. and Anakin S." It's all _your_ fault!

**_END OF LIVE HOLOGRAM TRANSMISSION_**

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**VOICE ENCRYPTION ON FILE IHATEYOU**

Master, if you happen to infiltrate my password settings and the retina scans encoding this saved file on my datapad and transmitter, please don't take offense. You are a key figure in my life, and I _do_ treasure you greatly. Why do you think I save you all the time? After all, you're like my father, but, Master, there is something I must confess. . .You're not very consoling when your Padawan is ill and suffering in bed. Mothers are far better at the nursing back to health sort of thing.

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	2. Transmission To Padawan Skywalker

**Disclaimer: **George Lucas is the creator of _Star Wars_. Not I. I am not the owner or maintainer of Fanfiction(dot)net. Any planets not recognized in this piece to be of the _Star Wars_ universe are mine.

See Chapter One for other warnings.

**Section: **2/2

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**Tirades in Transmission**

By Jan J. (P.J.P.), Little Sister's Keepress

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**Chapter Two – Transmission To Padawan Skywalker**

_**LIVE HOLOGRAM TRANSMISSION**_

_To: Jedi Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Temple, Coruscant_

_From: Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, Alma Province Embassy, Kuruea _

_Subject: Patience and Less Rage, My Padawan_

My young Padawan learner, I am immensely disappointed in you. Despite all my speeches on letting go of your wrath and acting in a rational manner, you have once again managed to ignore my teachings—the _Jedi's _teachings. Anakin, as Jedi, we must not erupt into anger; we do not resort to blatant violence unless it is necessary and unless all our peaceful negotiations have been for naught. You declare that you are not a child, but your volatile anger and petulance reveal you to be one. As it stands, I _must_ worry about you. If you can express such brutal tendencies regarding this Fanfiction(dot)net matter, which is extremely uncritical when juxtaposed against our missions across the galaxy, then how will you conduct yourself when those who are close to you are truly threatened or positioned in patches of peril?

Please, Anakin, do not turn away from me. Padawan, why are you rolling your eyes at me with such disrespect? All right. I must admit that anger did shade my retaliation when that Sith lord, Darth Maul, attacked Master Qui-Gon, but it only lasted for several minutes—possibly even seconds. The point is that I did not let anger eat away at my being. I did not let it eat away so that I was nothing but a void—so that I was nothing but a being of darkness.

And, no, Padawan, you must not succumb to hate and revenge just for my welfare. Contrary to what you think, I _can _save myself. Most of the time. I do recognize that I have limits. Despite your protests, _you_ are my priority. Yes, even you need protection.

I do worry for you when you have these virulent bouts. I always will. You _are_ my Padawan. Whenever you are upset, Anakin, I can feel it. Well, I suppose others can feel it, too. Your display in the Jedi Archives did not go unnoticed by Madame Jocasta Nu. In fact, she sought me out and quite boldly asked if I had taught you any useful meditation techniques. As if meditation is the solution for everything! Do not look so shocked, Padawan. The auda—No. No, I deserved it. Anakin, I will help you become the best Jedi I know you can be. You are already on the trail to being a model Knight. I know you are not fond of my reprimands, but please realize this. I am proud of you, Padawan. If I do rebuke you, it is only because I care about you and whole-heartedly believe you are capable of doing better.

As I have stated before, my young one, let not anger suffocate you. It makes you rather hasty and—erm—brainless like a cooha with its head severed off. Oh, please, do not pout. In the proclamation of _your _words, you are "not a child." Instead of sending that obscene hologram to the Fanfiction(dot)net staff, you could have easily chosen the Help command on the page's upper right hand corner. There is a contact channel or an "e-mail address" listed for this particular problem: Categories at Fanfiction(dot)com. Oh, _now_ you have the grace to be ashamed. Yes, I know you are very sorry, my young apprentice. Do not fret. Anakin, stop! I already sent a request for "Shmi S." to be added to the character list! You're most welcome, Padawan. Now I do not want to discover that you have been dispatching death threats to anyone while I am away on this short task, all right? Promise me that. Thank you, Anakin.

Wait a moment. I do have to tell you something about your mother. I know you will never forget her. She is the most important person in your life—even more important than me, I feel. Do not deny it, Padawan. However, please remember your pledge to the Jedi, Anakin. I trust you and your word. Know that I shall always be here for you, and I am honored that you identify me as your father. Just realize that your mother entrusted you to the Jedi. She entrusted you to Master Qui-Gon who, in turn, bestowed you upon me. I do not think that she would have wanted her sacrifice to be in vain. Even though I have not had the pleasure of meeting her, I am certain that she, too, is proud of you and wishes you to be part of the Jedi Order.

Oh, some nuggets of advice, Anakin. Don't retain the exact password for all your accounts and files. It was quite simple to deduce—especially when all the codes demanded five letters. I wish you would be more wary, particularly of politicians. . .

Finally, I must inform you that it is most arduous to tend to a sleepy, agitated Padawan when he is ill. This is most true when he barricades himself under a pile of bed sheets, does not respond to my gentle prodding plus pleas, and refuses to try any of my healthy Dagoban bentaxne berry tea with a small bit of honey. Somehow I doubt your mother gave _you_ glaze cake when you were confined to bed-rest. May the Force be with you, my young one.

_**END OF LIVE HOLOGRAM TRANSMISSION **_

FIN

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**Dedication: **To all good mothers and mother figures

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End file.
